Life Must Go On

The Past Has Already Gone

2011-12-24T20:59:00.000+08:00

....yet why some of us still contemplating about it?

When some of us got back something that related to the past, something that remind us of the moment that we're so happy, should we really hang onto it?

If everything has changed since then, why bother to hang onto it?

We can't just got back to something in the past just because it's good, it makes you comfortable,... it's familiar...

"we were just happened to be classmates for 12 years..."

"we were just happened to share the dormitory for 4 years"

"we were never together..."

"we were never friends..."

though I have to admit I never see this could happen...yet it is happening...

For that, all I could say... that I wish all the happiness in the world for you and her.

I hope you and him will stay together forever... from here to the hereafter...

Over my shoulder, I saw nothingness crawling behind my back...

A silhouette of a girl dressed in beige with the sound of her heels clicking on the pavement, slowly disappearing into the light of...

Header.. Oh header...

2011-11-13T12:39:00.000+08:00

Thinking of changing the header...

Same theme but different colour... Will do after I'm done with the mid term!

Fell Apart? Maybe

2011-10-02T04:40:00.000+08:00

The thing is, my best friends, Shahida, Samirah and Abeer just went back to IIUM Kuantan campus after crashing in my cube for the past 3 days. It was crazy. Really.

On Thursday, they arrived around 5 p.m. while I was tutoring some of Mathematics classmates on functions.

As I hurried back to Mahallah, parked Jeremy just outside my windows, I ran to my room and saw Sammy stood there in front of the door. I hugged her together with Abeer. I miss them so much!

I went inside and found Sha was sleeping - exhausted from the long journey I guess. But I don't care. I rocked the bed and woke her up. lol

We just spent the whole evening chatting, laughing, eating bunch of crap and around 8.30 we went to the Experimental Hall located at the Rectory building to attend a Talk by Prof. Muhammed Elfaki on Islam & Feminism, organized by WAFA.

We headed back to mahallah and ordered McDonald on the way. At my room we continued on chatting some more, catching up with a LOT of things. I got to hear some stuffs went down in the Kuantan campus lately and bunch of crazy stories. We slept at almost 4 in the morning I think!

The next day on Friday, me, Sha, Sammy and my roommate Kadia Spent half of the day at Times Square KL. We did window shopping after went for a movie - Fright Night at the third level. We went back to campus around 9 after a bad scene at Papa John. But overall, it was fun. Simple things like walking with my friends are just priceless.

...and today, or I should say yesterday (look at the time!), we all went to Nabil Abas & Kak Najwa's wedding. Nabil was the vice president of SCIENCESS 09/10. Isn't it a nice coincidence for the vice president got married after the president? =)

I got to see some people at the wedding i.e. Kak Nadia Hanis who was just awesome! I miss our days back in the SCIENCESS Operation Room. We got to take picture with the groom and the bride and only that moment I suddenly recalled a vague memory of where I actually first met Kak Najwa. She was the committee of my Taaruf week at Matriculation back in 2006 and the week after that, I was on my way to Abu Bakar College for my English class. I was lost in between Al Malik Faisal Hall and the library and there Kak Najwa, asking me if I was lost. Even she was puzzled at first when I asked her where's the ABC 003 class as it was the first time classes were held in the brother's mahallah. But she did directed me to the right venue though. I smiled while walking out of the hall. Thinking on how they are so perfect for each other, knowing Nabil is such a nice guy too.

We took a cab to Alpha Angle mall a.k.a JJ Wangsa Maju as Sha still want to try Papa John no matter what. So we had a pizza, breadsticks, cheese sticks, and baked rice. Sha and Kadia had the bite of their lives when they both bit the pickled chilies. We also looked back at the pictures we took for the past 3 days and I suddenly recalled the Olive Theory when Sammy mentioned that she don't like the olives.

When we went out of the mall, it was raining. KL these days. The weather was quite unpredictable. The rain got heavier when we were in the cab. We arrived in the campus around 4 and the quickly packed and my chest started to get heavy as I watched them.

We all hugged and as I bid them goodbye while they were walking down the hill towards the entrance gate, I felt my tears rolled down on my cheeks. I felt so sad but I know I'm going to see them again.

Here I am, sitting in my room. Looking at the pictures that I took again and again. I know I eventually will find new friends here in Gombak but I can't deny the fact that I'll always long for them to be here with me. But this is the reality as we walked different paths in our lives.

P.S.: currently listening the Glee version of 'Somewhere Only We Know' sung by Blaine Anderson of the Warblers.

Somewhere Only We Know

2011-10-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

Artist: Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

2011-09-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

...and Maaf Zahir & Batin... to all my friends and family out there...

Raya preparation this year isn't that much as my parents spent most on renovations in the house... But, for the first time since I was in secondary school, Mom made me 4 baju kurung!!! Hoho

My big brother came home on the 3rd day of Eid and we all we went to Sandakan on the 4th day. Kinda rush but we managed to come back today...

Another week left before we all are going to start our new semester!

To all my friends who are going to enter their fourth year also their FINAL year, hence Final Year Projects, I wish all the best and as for me, this upcoming semester is going to be real challenge as I'm going to take my Graphic Communications and Introduction to Built Environment subjects...

That's all for now,

Signing out!
-Moon

Ramadhan...

2011-08-26T01:42:00.000+08:00

In the month of Ramadhan, there are not much I can do other than preparing the house for Eid, baking some cookies, and of course, go to the office once a while...

Few more days left before we're done with this month and I'm sure all people out there are busy too...

Just want to say remember to budget your expenses for this upcoming Eid as we all going to need spent a lot more when we hit the next semester...

Me and Mom just bought few bags of baju kurung fabrics... and I haven't decide which one to choose for Eid this year... Mom already bought Baju Melayu for my brothers (gold) and I'm pretty sure that my big bro is going to kill my lil bro for choosing the colour at some point later...

Anyway, let's hope that we all got bless from Allah...

Signing out!

In a Blink!

2011-07-01T23:48:00.001+08:00

Wow! When I woke up this morning, I realize that today's is the last day of this semester.

... and I went through my last paper this morning and with that I'm officially done with the semester!

The result will be announced on 22nd of July and let's all pray hard that we got the best for our papers!

I'm expecting (more like my parents actually) good result for this semester and all I can say that I did my best and now, all we do is just pray...

Anyway, for you guys who're gonna be done with internships, how was it? Mostly you guys are busy with reports and log books and every other things, right?

I wish you guys all the best and just wanna wish you guys good luck for the upcoming final year!

Regards,

As Always...

2011-06-12T00:20:00.001+08:00

There are things in life that we can never forget. Even though we tried so hard by distracting ourselves with so many things to do and attend to, we still ended up remembering that certain things... Certain days...

Thought it won't take long to forget.. but then... it's been... 6? 7 years I think...

Anyway, just wanna wish to that person...

Happy 24th birthday and may Allah be with you no matter where you are...

Regards,

Jeremy Is Here!

2011-05-27T19:44:00.004+08:00

Jeremy Is Here!
After waiting for 2 weeks before he can be transferred and another 5 days cause he was stuck here and there, he's finally here! When I saw him after 5 months, I thought I can just be cool when we finally met. But I just can't help myself. I kiss him. People were looking but I don't really care. I just smiled happily.

I took my keys out and just ride him right away. I felt a little bit uneasy at first but I think I'll do just fine. The ride back to campus was easy. Though I actually googled the fastest directions from there to here, but when I finally on road with him, I just felt it in me. As if I've been here since forever. I looked at the sign boards from time to time and when I got into the campus, I was smiling again. To be honest, even though this is just simple and effortless, I could see the glimpse of freedom everywhere I go. I like this feeling. As if everything that burdens me just been lifted off my shoulders.

As if I could go on like this forever.

I don't have to worry about walking around the campus anymore.

Because he's here. Jeremy is here.

People ask me a lot why don't I get myself a car instead. Well, it's not that my family can't afford it for me but it's not just the time yet. When the time come for me to get a car, I want it to be a special moment and If I could I want to pay using my own money. But for now, I'm with him.

Jeremy represents a lot in me. The me in here. A student in a university. He just fits me in everything. In a way he is a part of me.

Been thinking a lot of what I'm gonna do with him. I'm gonna go around and check out places around the campus area. See if there's a place that I could use as a place to hang out with him.

Hope he's fine out there. Too tired to walk myself from the roofed-parking lot to my room so I leave him right outside my block.

Sleep, well! =D I'll see you in the morning.

Looking at the Stats...

2011-05-20T12:55:00.003+08:00

I started this blog like end of 2008... marking the beginning of my life as a Biomedical Science student back in IIUM Kuantan campus..

Though I have this strong urge to close down this blog, I still think I want to keep it as I have a lot of memories I wrote down in this blog...

Not that I'm calling this as my diary but still...

While I was looking at the stats though the page views barely pass 1k I still grateful for those who spent some time reading this blog.. though you'll find this blog less informative and more on random stuffs... cause some of you guys already know, I post stuffs regarding the academic material in my other blog - A Journey Never Ends so this blog is more like a place for me to tell stories in my life for the past 2 years and a half...

Anyway, for those from IIUM, I think you're already know that we gonna spend 2 full months of Ramadhan and 'Eid at home, right? I think this is gonna be the most memorable vacation I ever had in my life cause for the first time since 2006, on top with Ramadhan and 'Eid, I'm gonna celebrate my birthday at home!!!

Yep! It's gonna be a one hell of a birthday party!

haha.. just kidding.. probably gonna invite close relatives and some friends to come by at my house and have a little barbecue...

It's almost prayer time, so.. I guess I see yo guys in next entry..

Take care,

Moon

It's Been A While...

2011-05-20T12:40:00.002+08:00

It's the fourth week since I'm in Gombak and it's the end of the second week in the academic calendar...

to all my friends who are in the middle of their internships, I wish all the best to all of you...

Well, for this semester, I only do 2 subjects... Computer and Mathematics...

Since I already done these subjects back in CFS, I think I handle them quite well... There are lots of things I didn't understand and felt they don't make any sense, but now I think I do understand them clearly... Maybe it's quite difficult to see the bigger picture back then but now.. Yeah.. It's okay I guess...

All in all, the classes are fun... with classmates are all from different countries... It's great to experience new culture...

...and of course.. now I understand the feeling of being minority in my class... the language spoken mostly is Arabic... wow... It's really the other way around comparing the time I was in Kuantan...

Still, let's just hope for the best for all of us...

Insya Allah...

In Gombak Again...

2011-04-06T00:04:00.005+08:00

The last 5 days were AWESOME!!!

Last Friday, I woke up in the morning and started to pack my things up. I don't know why. Took a cab to LRT Putra station and went to KL Sentral and took another cab to Pekeliling. I bought a ticket to Kuantan. I was listening to mu iPod along the way only to realize when I sat at the bench nearby the ticket counter, an old lady asked me where I was heading to. During that moment, I was thinking hard. Where am I heading to?

Kuantan. I answered. Only then I realized that I was actually going to Kuantan. It doesn't make sense right? What I'm saying is, I unknowingly made myself went to Kuantan. As if it's a place that I can go to without wondering - not even a second, what to do next in order to reach that place.

Like home. Like how I can predict of what's gonna happen every time I'm on trip to home.

Though I stated that I have no reason to stay at Kuantan anymore, now I realize I still have reason to go there...

Went to the mahallah and met up all my beloved friends, replenishing my supply of crazy stories among them, saw few of my classmates in the cafe, exchanged stories and confirmed whatever they heard about me, it felt good.

Since they're in the middle of exams right now, we just ate, sleep, and talked inside the room. I went to KOS for the first time after few months and all I could see were the memories at every corner of the building.

The lecture theaters and classrooms - where I used to have my lectures, WacKOS, where I used to hang out with my friends, the sister's musolla - where I used to pray and sleep in between my lectures, and the Operation Room - where I used to fulfill my duty as the SCIENCESS Special Task's committee for two semesters in a row... and of course the long walk from KOS towards mahallah after my friends done with their revisions...

I missed being here.

Well, so much for the memories!

As I took the bus back to KL, I looked back and waved at my friends who sent me to the terminal. While on the bus, I was thinking...

Is this some kind of a closure? A sign telling me to finally move on with my life?

I think so.

But one thing that I'm pretty sure, that I still have my friends staying in Kuantan. These are the people who are giving me plenty of reasons to come to Kuantan once in a while.

Yeah. I guess so.

Good night, everybody!

and now, let's begin...

2011-03-21T14:15:00.003+08:00

okay, peeps! finally after waiting for 2 whole weeks, the result of my application to IIUM's Kulliyyah of Architecture and Environmental Design has been announced!

and the result is... drumroll, please....

I'm in!!!!!

Thought I won't be able to make it as it's been 2 weeks already... But totally wrong on that... =)

Now I realize that the nearly 2 hours interview is totally worth it...

So, hereby I announce, my new journey has begin...

Damage!

2011-03-17T05:04:00.002+08:00

On Monday, while I was reading some books in the library, I received a call from a private number. Filled with curious, I picked up.

"Is this Nuraini Munira Jalir?"

"As the lawyer of D****** V***** R********, I would like to inform you that this company is going to sue you with RM 10 000..."

I was about to collapse upon hearing that...

"For further explanation, please call this number.."

I called the number 2 seconds after I hung up the first call.

Turns out same voice, same slang, answered my call. Then he explained about this privilege card that I agreed to sign up on October 2010 in East Coast Mall, Kuantan.

It is a privilege card that can give you discount if you flash that card while buying plane tickets from AirAsia and if you reserve at some hotels in Malaysia. The original price is RM 999 but there giving out some special promotion - RM 350 for students. I agreed to pay RM 60 for deposit, it's not I'm going to get the privilege card right away, it's a deposit that will be burned if I don't wish to proceed with the whole thing by settling the fee of RM350.

It is true that I agreed - filled a form and whatsoever, but one thing I remembered what the agent said is they don't accept any payment within 12 months, they'll send some sort of notice - letter to remind me about the whole deal.

But what the guy had told me on the phone was totally different from what I heard from before.

That if they don't accept any payment within 12 months, they have rights to sue me, with RM 10 000!

My banks accounts - Maybank, and CIMB had been suspended and I may not eligible to apply for any scholarship after this.

A letter will be sent to my current address saying that I have to be in court next week for the proceedings... WHAT???

Even the lawyer mentioned earlier that maybe it's the agent before this had some problems in explaining the whole deal to me... WHAT???

I can't think straight after that... Maybe it's my fault that I didn't read the whole agreement before signing up but how come these agents can be so stupid in explaining things?

Then the guy said if I don't want to be sued, I should pay the whole package - RM 999 plus I have to bear half of the lawyer fee of RM 350 to revoke the whole thing by 3 p.m. that day.

Is this some kind of fraud? That's what I've been thinking.

I called my parents after that and asked for their advices. My brother agreed to take care of the whole thing once he got here in KL. He called the guy earlier and had some sort of agreement to settle things which I still don't know about. But the guy agreed by settling things up by being paid with RM 300 ++. WHAT THE???

Feeling lost and unable to use my mind for awhile, my mum asked me to trust her on this that she believes that as long as I don't use other's people money, I don't cheat other people's money, there's no way I can be sued easily.

So, in conclusion, all I want to say is before you guys sign anything, do read the whole agreement!

I have so many things going on for the past 3 months already. But with this thing, I'm almost lost my senses and only today I guess, I'm back to my normal self again and be able to think straight.

I'm not saying the whole thing is settled already, but for now I think I can sleep without thinking so much about this whole crazy-stupid-ridiculous thing.

What a damage! Tsunami in Japan with 9.0 Richter's scale is devastating but this tsunami I had... a total damage to my perspective upon strangers at the shopping malls.

Just For A While

2011-02-19T22:59:00.002+08:00

While I was surfing the internet, trying to get some ideas for my aunt's company profile cover, suddenly I remembered that it's been a while since I last post something in here...

and therefore.. not only updating it, I happened to change its layout... So, voalla!

Just want to experiment with bright colours... I kinda like the back ground... I definitely love abstracts... It's full of wild and freedom...

well, not only that... here I want to say something about... social skills...

In life, we meet new people almost every day... For me, as I already assumed myself involved in family business in civil and electrical construction, it's natural for me to meet new people every day - of course they are all older than me... therefore, it's a great experience to learn from them... Social skills are different among people and there I can see though some of them come from rural areas, their social skills are good compare to some city people who don't even know how to respect other people..

In order to gain respect from other people, we have to respect them first.. In order to be a good leader among your workers, you yourself have to show professionalism and able to take other's critics... and of course there are lots of other things you need to have in order to be a good leader...

but of course, in this line of business also, we face problems and obstacles.. but nothing frustrates us more than betrayal among our own comrades or in this case, business partner...

yesterday, a friend of my dad came to our office and talked to my dad about his friend - a long time friend, who supposed to help him in order to get a 29 mil project by lending him his licenses - and of course, will get at least 1 mil for that, had retracted his licenses and agreed to give another party his licenses for 2 mil.. though the whole process of getting the tender already done with more than 50%, and lots of money already invested just to get chance to compete for the tender, not to mention his time and efforts... and of course the preparation that needed to be carried out in order to make sure his company has no problem in handling the project - enough funding and various other things needed to be done...

But now, everything went down the drain... his time, efforts, and money had wasted already... Without doubt, that man is not trustworthy at all.. but then my dad's friend had said something that I find quite surprising..

"Yes, I lost some money, and maybe, just maybe he could win the tender and get 1 or 2 mil.. But now he's on his own.. He lost me, he lost all of us..."

Well, during that moment, I realized that this man who's sitting in front of dad is a great person... Not only admitting what goes around comes around, but also he knows everything will happen according to what had already been destined by no one else but God... So I pray to God to give him strength to cope with the whole situation and give him rezeki in near future... As long he's sincere in doing his jobs, for the sake of Allah, and for the benefits of people that he loves and cares about...

Business is full of risks... But for me, as long as you're going into the right path, Allah will always give the best and if mishaps are brought upon you, you always have to be patient and ask Him for guidance and strength...

All in all, there are lots of things I need to learn in life... Wise in choosing your friend, and always believe in your own strength are what my parents told me..

So, cheer up, people... If you think you're down, and lost... Ask Allah for guidance...

Insya Allah... You'll find your way...

This Isn't Goodbye...

2011-01-29T23:25:00.002+08:00

Well, though this is kinda surprising to some people but I finally have mustered enough courage to tell you guys what had happened to me recently...

Things happen for reason and I think I just have to live up with that...

A lot of things had happened since I've been admitted into IIUM Kuantan campus and to be honest, I've been trying so hard not to run away from Biomedical Science... Not only trying to cope with the course itself - everybody knows this isn't an easy course though it's not as tough as Medicine, I also had struggled to cope with the environment...

Therefore, long story short, I'm actually 'enjoying' a study leave right now, well.. Not a vacation obviously! I'm doing some preparation to go through the interview by the end of February or early March.. Oh, I didn't mention that I'm changing program, right?

Well, after all things considered, I applied the change of program to our own KAED in Gombak campus... so even after this leave, I won't be able to come back to Kuantan...

All in all, I would like to thank all the people that had helped me throughout my days in Kuantan especially to all Class of 2012, Batch 081/082 and 091... I sincerely want to thank you guys for giving me so many memories... I'm sorry I just can't go on with you guys anymore... It's not that I don't want to but I can't...

Therefore, I would like to wish all the best to all of you and hopefully we all going to succeed in no matter what we want to pursue in the future... I hope our paths will cross again in the future so we can meet again, talk over a cup of coffee somewhere, and laugh about all those happy moments we had together...

As I strongly believe that hard work will definitely be rewarded and together with sincerity, we could have all the things that we want to have in our life... be it a wealthy life, healthy environment, useful sources, or anything that can benefit us and people that we care about...

All in all, I hope this isn't goodbye...

Regards,

Nuraini Munira Jalir

Thinking of...

2010-12-12T00:44:00.002+08:00

Again.. I've been thinking about what I'm going to do...

should I give up?

should I just throw away everything?

should I wait? For what?

should I keep on struggling? Is it really worth my time?

Is there someone gonna help me while searching for the answer?

Ugh! If only I can go back in time... But even if I go back to any point of my life and re-do things I want to do... Will everything turns for the better? Or worst?

Maybe this is just a phase...

A Signal?

2010-12-08T13:21:00.002+08:00

4 years ago, I've asked myself whether it's a wise decision to change to Biological Science...

2 years ago, I've asked myself whether it's a wise decision to change to Biomedical Science....

and today.... again I ask myself whether it's a wise decision to change my life direction...

I had a heart to heart talk with my housemate and we ended up with a lot of things that we never talk about before...

There's one thing that I take pride on that maybe isn't something right for me to keep on going with... and thus I think I want to stop here and make a change...

One may think that I'm happy to be here...

One may think I should be grateful to study in such a great university...

One may think that I should keep going on and try my best...

But... I think the signal has arrived for me to stop and leave... and surprisingly I'm not sad nor happy to leave... I'm kinda nervous actually...

as I leave this place, I'll go to somewhere new...

I've been thinking non-stop about this matter... Every now and then my head filled with thoughts of running away... But only a coward would do that... and I'm not a coward...

It may be hard later... But I'll try my best to survive...

I will survive... I promise...

I'll take this challenge... I'll not lose... not to myself...

I wonder if I'm gonna discover something else along this new path?

In the Verge of... Death!

2010-11-12T12:45:00.003+08:00

Owh... okay.. I may exaggerate a little bit... Hehe

So basically I'm done with just one paper.. and one for tomorrow, one for day after tomorrow, and the last one would be day after tomorrow after tomorrow... Ugh! Who did this horrible schedule anyway?

Last night I dreamt of me holding on to someone's heart by my own hands trying to stop the bleeding and I think it's more like cardiorrhexis... OMG! It's not I'm studying to become a doctor to begin with... LOL

So.. enough with this... let's get back to hell... I mean my notes... =D

New Discovery?

2010-10-14T20:24:00.002+08:00

well, let's just say I have a new obsession...

Recently, I've been downloading some new anime and manga... As I don't have much time to read the manga online, I just downloaded the archived ones and put them away in between my notes and assignment. But honestly, every now and then, I'll just gonna end up watching at least one episode of the recently downloaded by myself and other housemates anime.

I've always wanted to re-watch Rurouni Kenshin, though...

But this summer, (eh!!!! Well, sometimes I assume myself living in Japan, so..) I've checked out some awesome-crazy-haunting anime such as Black Butler, Hakuouki: Shinsengumi Kitan, Kaixchou wa Maid-sama!, and another anime that I'm about to dragged into my world - Claymore.

STOP!!!!

Finals gonna ride a freaking big fireball and ready to hit me on my head!

Well, I just wanna relax a bit before killing myself during the final month of this semester...

I've been thinking a lot recently...well, up until I can't sleep well, at night...

Sometimes I wonder how my life gonna end up... What I'm gonna do about my future?

Well, the only thing that I can do right now... is pray hard that I will success in no matter what I do...

Let's Just Moved On

2010-10-04T17:43:00.002+08:00

Trying my best to understand the meaning of life... (err... does it sounds so dramatic?)

Mid terms just ended last week.. =D

I came back from home on September, 20th with double the amount of stuffs that I brought from Kuantan.. Well, it was 'Eid.. I spent a lot basically, just can't get enough of shoes! Not forgetting my first official handbag, yay! I'm not that ladylike so I'm not into these kind of stuffs until recently when a lot of people approached me and said this and that...

So, I think.. Why not? I always avoid whenever this topic - to be more feminine and blah blah blah... Well, I always do things only when I'm ready and not rush into it as I always believe that if I do things drastically, it won't last long and I'll just going back to who I was before..

Recently I posted some stuffs in Facebook that I think it's kinda personal but it's just that I really want to say out loud but I just can't.. After having deep thought before posting those lines up, I took a deep breath and there... well, in Japanese... Though not many will understand it but as long I know I said it.. clearly there... that's more than enough...

Therefore.. I think it's the right time to let go and move on...

Let's pray hard and wish for the best to come!

Signing out!

What A Rush!

2010-09-01T16:08:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was crazy as I'm doing full-shift at Nike. Sales went quite high for August - people are dressing up for 'Eid and of course with the efforts given out by most of the staffs. The winner of August's sale is Ash... What do you expect? He's good at promoting stuffs! Wish I could do better so I can compete with him! Well, we're friends for sure but all of us are rival at the same time...

I think the whole rivalry thing is good as I learn to improve myself and keep on going forward.

I'm hoping I can show the same attitude in studying... Why? Because while working I can see the differences between people who're studying in higher learning institutions and those who barely finished high school. I'm not saying these kids are stupid - seriously, no offense but how they see things is way too different from the way I see things around me. Knowing things about who they are, where they from, etc. etc. really make me appreciate the chances given to me - studying in university for an example and lots of other things...

Working with these people has really re-defined the whole meaning of friendship to me...

But then, I gotta admit that since I'm working part-time, I kinda enjoy studying in classes - working makes me more organized and less post-poning stuffs and learning on how to spend my money wisely is definitely a bonus! Also no more movie every single week, or hanging out in Starbucks during weekends, or buying unnecessary stuffs!

But the thing that I regret the most is I spend less time with Sha.. With me living off-campus, things just getting worse I think.. but our crazy outings recently to Teluk Cempedak and chatting over a coffee in Old Town White Coffee just perfect as we both 'replenished' ourselves with this and that.. =D

Today I got 1 paper from 8 to 9... Went back home straight after that... around 10 Saiful came to pick me up and he drove me to the terminal... God! I really appreciate it so much as I don't have anyone to send me... Bus left at 10.30 and I reached KL around 1.30 p.m. ... Took a cab to KL Sentral and bought a SkyBus ticket to LCC Terminal... Arrived at the airport at 3 p.m and I checked in right away... I was so worried since yesterday I couldn't make it but thank God I did... and now hopefully my flight won't get delayed because it's common for AirAsia to delay their flights...

Alright, people! It's time to board already...

Happy flying everyone!

Walking Tall Part II

2010-08-27T02:56:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really miss the times when I was in primary school. Even though I only made few friends, it didn't really matter to me back then. How I was doing at school was the most important thing for me, or I could say my parents. I have to live up to their expectations every single day. Back then also, everyday was almost the same. School, homework, house chores, and then repeat the whole thing on the next day. I got few things to run at school - as the head librarian but it didn't cost me much work.

The thing that I remembered mostly about primary school was I kinda did things effortless. Multi-tasking was easy as I knew everything like the back of my hand.

But now, everything was so different. At this age, I find things around me very challenging even to wake up from bed and decide what I'm going to do today. Lectures that I have to attend to, assignments that I need to be done with, discussions among classmates that seems never going to end, all those sessions in labs, even after going through all these things, I'm going to be honest, I still can't see what I want to do, who I want to be, when will I ever be, in the future.

Future.

One simple word that every time I want to talk about it, I'm just speechless.

Am I going to be someone in the future? Probably that's out of the question but who knows?

I see a lot of people with different background achieved something big in different field.

If only there's a book that whenever we have problem, we just open it up and look up for the answer in there. But life's not like that. All of us need to realize how important it is to experience the life itself and live every moment.

Therefore, I'm saying this to myself,

Wake up and start decide want you want out of your life.

It's now or never!

Walking Tall

2010-07-29T11:14:00.002+08:00

actually I'm in the middle of Systemic Anatomy class right now but since it's about female's reproduction system.... I think I can handle it... =)

Woke up this morning with one thing popped in my mind.

I'm 22. From today until 28 of July next year. Great!

I don't know why 22 is such an annoying number. Is it because it's repeating? Probably.

Other reason? I can't just think of any reason. But I'm still feeling annoyed!

Hmm.... continue to part 2 later.

signing out!

Am I Hurt?

2010-07-28T00:05:00.003+08:00

Trying to find a right word to start this entry for about almost half an hour but I couldn't just find anything.

Here goes nothing...

I always think that maybe I was right about him. He is perfect. Perfect in every aspect I can think of. Perfect in the eyes of people around him - though some may think not but the fact that he is way too perfect for me just keep on haunting me ever since the first moment I met him.

I was in the middle of nowhere while finding one simple reason to forget someone until the day I met this one guy who I thought a worker in our faculty's photocopy centre. I was stunned when I heard his voice for the first time. After asking few questions then I found out that he's actually a student in 3rd year and what a beautiful coincidence that we shared the same department! I was so elated and thought it was a bless to have such wonderful senior and after having a quite long conversation, I left with my friend with one thing about me he misunderstood. My name or rather my nickname.

After that, he really had caught my attention. I saw him everywhere around the campus - I really did asked myself whether it was just me or it was really odd coincidences to see him even in other faculties. Such a small world isn't it? He always appears in such presentable ways of dressing up. Not too schematic but rather casual and his choice of colours just enlightened me each and every time.

From time to time, I updated myself about things that revolved around him via his classmates which happened to be housemates and people I hang out with. I know it is so high school but I don't really care about those said things.

Facebook is a phenomena and I'm one of people who included in the list of those who got really into it after signed up. There I found his account and of course I added him. Well, not to forget the fact that I was dared by someone but still, I was jumping up and down when he finally approved me. We chatted few times and I think I was having a great time spending some time 'hovering' his profile. Laughing with my friends while looking at pictures that he posted up in his FB or reading his random entries on his wall.

So basically, all I can say is I really like this guy. Up to the level I would sit in the faculty's lounge just to get a glimpse of him. Hey, he's a great guy so don't put the blame on me!

But the beautiful days have come to an end when I finally found out about his relationship with someone who attended the same university as us.

My heart was broken. Like one big shining crystal that been crushed to the wall and shattered into debris of worthless glass.

It was just a simple crush! I know and that was I thought about the whole thing but I guess it's not. My days had become so stressing with the finals were around the corner. I felt so childish and stupid.

Well, what more can I say? I moved on. Or that was I thought. Time went so fast and few months I started to hang out around him again. But the feeling wasn't the same anymore. Though some times I could feel that he actually knows about how I feel towards him but that was only a prediction.

almost 2 semesters had already passed and things don't really change much. I still catching up about him but I can see the fine and invisible line telling me I had more than enough of him already.

but I'm just a human. I make mistakes. A lot of mistakes and being easily lured into the 'black hole' of beautiful and wonderful thoughts of him probably one that I should've avoided.

Things happened for reasons. Though I tried so hard to find wisdoms behind all the things happened in my life, I just couldn't wrap my head around this thing that just happened just now.

He is getting married.

Am I hurt?

p.s this is the 'best' birthday present ever!

I Know!

2010-07-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

The 3 months vacation is damn over! I KNOW!!!!

Just wanna wrap things up, I worked for Y2K - Factory Outlet for almost 2 months but due to something happened I went back home around mid of May...

As usual, being mum and dad's multi-purpose-assistant, I updated all their company profiles - took my almost 2 weeks!

Almost the same routine everyday... Office in the morning, cooking in the evening... Cleaning, movies with mum and Arif, etc. etc. ...

Settled with Uncle Muss' wedding, I took some time off to Sandakan to visit grandma...

Abang went home on June 1st so everything just went like hell. Got nothing to say about that.

All in all, I'm glad I went back and broke down to tears at the airport... Geez...

Arrived in Kuantan on 12th of July (went to shopping in KL before hit the bus which temporarily located in National Stadium Bukit Jalil) and felt like jumping to see my Jeremy!

Signing Out!

A Reflection... #6

2010-03-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

It's Tuesday and basically I don't have any class from morning till evening. But then, when I checked my iCal, there's an entry stated: 'Leadership class, 8 p.m.'... But, there was a small note written under the entry: 'Final session'... I smile a bit.

Though I'm feeling so lazy to get up and ready for class, I quickly took my shower and off to campus around 7 p.m. Got some time to online so I updated my blogs and Facebook-ing for about 5 minutes.

Though it's unbelievable, ALT 2 was occupied by other class. As a result, we need to find other place and ended up in the classroom nearby ALT3. After settling down, and when the first group was ready, the presentations started right away.

The first topic for today was Thinking Skills. The presentation circled around Edward de Bono's 6 Thinking Hats. They made a short movie which introduce the group member - with their hats. There was a part when the whole group was having a discussion regarding their presentation for Leadership class - which was what they were doing that time, and there was a part when they play another movie which is Tan Sri P. Ramlee's Ali Baba and 40 Thieves. In the movie, they point out some of the type of thinking such as visual, wishful, reflective, positive, and hypothetical thinking. After the movie, they discussed about the type of thinking skills and proceeded on how they are going to present the topic.

There were some points that I took from their presentations. The first point, we need to arrange our thoughts before implementing something, consider the consequences before doing something - rush decisions should be avoided, and how we should be able to cope with different way of thinking among ourselves as we need to consider other people thoughts especially when we need to decide upon something that involve other people as well.

Regrading the presentation, I think that the method in conveying the message is quite okay. Though the same method was used by Azli's group before but when it comes to Edward de Bono, it's a new thing for me. My group members think that there are better way of presenting the topic, but as they want the presentation not to be time-consuming, that's how it was presented. An international friend of mine was having difficulty to understand the whole movie - especially it was cut here and there, so I think the group supposedly have to come up with something global.

Throughout the presentation, I was thinking about some people whose actions not reflecting their thinkings or what they said. As for me, you better not saying anything if you can't do it. In essence, do not make promises if you can't make it.

The second point, Western thinking versus Islamic thinking. Well, as for me, I've been living all my life Western and Eastern-ly. I have to admit, when it comes to religion, I'm lack in terms of that. Therefore, of course I need to brush up my knowledge in religion field to be able to think in Islamic way.

Moved on to the second presentation which was on Stress Management. The group was portraying a male student who is a good student in his class, has good interpersonal skills, but because of being overwhelmed with studies, tasks given as the president of student bodies, he ended being stressed. It was an acting in their class, where his friends told him that he is in stressed condition by pointing out the symptoms of being stressed and how to overcome them. The 'lecturer' also advised him through the Islamic perspective on how to relax and nourish your heart, mind, and soul with the Words of Allah - al-Quran, and do a lot of zikir.

From Br. Said, I also found out that because of stress, someone could end up having hallucinations, delusions, illusions, and thus he or she need to be prescribed certain medications to ease the stress.

All in all, it was a good presentation. I think we also need some reminder on this topic as the finals are just around the corner.

The third presentation, which is the final presentation, was on Strategic Planning. The group came up with some facts on how to make strategic planning like we need to plan carefully and make statement out of it. In order to plan wisely, we need to understand the missions and visions of a project, what's the goal and what's need to be achieved.

They brought a scenario where a company who was making a good business suddenly collapsed and facing bankruptcy therefore the group who was acting as Mr. Plan It has come to the rescue. According to Mr, Plan It, in a company, organizational strategies are needed and there are different strategies for different level of managers. SWOT (strength, weakness, opportunity, and threat) analysis also should be done to analyze the situation face by the company. There were also the Porter's 5 Forces and PEST (political, economical, social, technological) analysis being discussed in order to save the company. That was the first part of the presentation.

The second part of the presentation was about a twins who's attending university but having different attitude towards the life as a university student. One with positive attitude that keeping good habit studying regularly and having some time to relax when exams are approaching while the other one with negative attitude who was cramming before the exam. Well, of course the first one get good results in exam while the other one doesn't. Thus, the moral of the story, plan your studies and prepare early is better than pulling an all-nighter.

All in all, I think for this final presentation, my classmates were having difficulty to focus as they find it more fun and entertaining than informative. Why? Because of the Mr. Plan It, and the part when Tengku played a role as a father who disappointed in his daughter who had failed in exam. Still, I think the overall is quite okay.

At last, the Leadership and Management sessions are over! Honestly, I'm quite relief but at the same time, I feel sad as there won't be any sessions with students from other departments - of course there will be Parenting, but for the moment, yes, I'm sad. I won't be hearing traveling experiences from Br. Said anymore.

Thinking back what we had been through for the last 6 sessions we had, I think it's a good experience. We got to express more about ourselves and what we're thinking. Sharing thoughts with my classmates and also telling others your opinions regarding matters discussed in the class had made me learned some facts that I never knew before. Laughing, surprising, reflecting, thinking, and all those memories I had with my classmates, I will remember them.

In a nutshell, I had a good time spending with my classmates and Br. Said as our guide in these Leadership and Management sessions. Indeed, after all these self-discovery sessions, all of us had become better than before.

The End.

p.s.: To Br. Said, thanks for making me writing a journal. It is a good experience indeed.

A Reflection... #5

2010-03-10T21:38:00.004+08:00

It's Wednesday and it's a routine for me to have my Blackforest Cheesecake from Secret Recipe every Wednesday. It's actually a new menu so before this I always have White Chocolate Macadamia... Still, once a while I do order it for take away...

As I'm having another Leadership and Management session today, I went to KOS half an hour before 5. I opened my Facebook while waiting for others to come.

As usual, before having the presentations, Br. Said mentioned few things that needed to be cleared about. Again the Medical Certificate issue. I don't know why MC is a big issue here as it being mentioned again and again. Still, there's nothing I can do about it. Probably it IS a big issue, I guess.

Suddenly, Br. Said poked an interesting question.

"Conventional versus Innovative. Which one would you choose?"

Confidently, of course I would go for Innovative. When he poked that question, pictures and logos like Mahjong paper, PowerPoint, Executive Diary, iCal, snail mails, emails, lectures in classes, video conferences, and lots of other things popped into my head.

Some of my classmates would go for Conventional. Br. Said said basically these people during Eid, they would go for traditional cookies instead the new, colourful, modern cookies.

Well, I wouldn't put it that way if I were him. Still, it's kind of true in a away.

But for me, again I would go for Innovative. Even back in CFSIIUM, where I did my foundation, I typed all my tutorials though all my classmates submitted them in handwritings, PDA-phone became handy compares to a small notebook as I can put most of MS Word notes in it, and since I changed to Mac products, my student life is getting more and more exciting. Some of my friends go for the expensive electronic dictionary while I just downloaded free (or hacked) applications into my iPod. Not to condemn those who's going for Conventional, but I think it's up to you what you are more comfortable with, right?

Lectures in classes versus video conferences?

Well, as for me I'm fine with both. Some people would think lectures in classes offers you more interactions between you and your lecturer but I think, as long you are willing to cope with the video conferences - as it is sometimes not very comfortable looking at video - though it's live, the whole time. As long as there is communication between the lecturer and his students, I can say it's more than enough. Well, you can't blame your lecturer if he is having important seminar overseas with your finals exams are just around the corner and you need to clarify few things with your lecturer before going into the hall, right? If you're saying this isn't true then, I wonder how telecommunications companies like Maxis, Celcom and DiGi are making good business in their products like 3G and Video Message.

Lectures versus presentations by the student.

If you ask me, I would prefer presentations. Because I got to learn more than having mere lectures on certain subjects and topics - like what we're having in Leadership class. But of course, in these sessions the lecturers need to guide us through and point out our mistakes. I wonder how interesting Anatomy class would be if it were to be conducted in this way. Problems rise would probably because of the number of students in our batch. We're over 150! But I still think it can be implemented. Having an advisor assigned to groups of students also will be extremely helpful - especially to student like me who's easily distracted and need to be monitored from superiors like my lecturers in order for me to keep on focus in my studies.

Moved on to the presentations, the first one is from group 6. We're having a forum entitled "Do We Appreciate Our Time?". There were some facts given out and questions from 'audiences' and 'emails' were discussed in the forum. Basically, it was all about how you should manage your time effectively and how the management would effect your life as a whole. Someone who likes to waste his time would probably going to end up being a failure.

In order to have a good result for an example in a project, you need to plan the whole thing and work on the project step by step, phase by phase until you manage to complete it. It's a basic knowledge for you to know but when it comes to life decisions like your future, it is definitely need a serious plan on how you're going to deal with things like your future.

From the very beginning of my adolescence, I planned to go to university. I still remember the big handmade poster of universities' logos on my dorm's locker. In order to get a spot in university, I worked hard in school, involved in many activities to improve my leadership, management, public relation, and lots of other skills as preparations to face the hard and challenging life as a university student. As for now, I lived through the four out of six years - including my foundation days. It wasn't easy, I have to admit. I still got two more years before hitting the harder and more challenging life - working life. Therefore, I need to be stronger, gain knowledge as much as I can and prepare myself well for it.

A good friend of mine, always remind me of this...

"It's 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain so you need 100% to get something that you really want in your life."

I totally agree with that.

In essence, you need to plan on how you want it to be, focus while doing it, put enough effort, give strong commitment, and try your hardest. Not to forget to submit yourself to God especially, pray hard and with His permission, you'll get what you want.

The second presentation was brought by the seventh group. It was a pop quiz competition. Their topic was on meeting. Few things like characteristics and types of meeting, ethics in meeting, were discussed. Br. Said also mentioned about the importance of minutes in meeting and the significant of it in making and implementing important decisions in higher level meetings for an example meetings among the Dean and his deputies deans in our Kulliyyah.

Overall, the presentations by both groups were okay. We all know the buzz was all about already but both group did good jobs in bringing the topics in different way of thinking and angles of perspectives.

Last word, remember who you are, where you from, and when you reached the blue sky, don't forget the green grass on earth... I'm just saying.

That's all. Signing out!

A Reflection... #4

2010-03-05T16:23:00.002+08:00

After spending the entire morning reading Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer, I went to Secret Recipe for a lunch and end up staying in there - online, updating my FB, my blogs... and of course time flies very fast when you're having fun... I almost forgot that I supposedly have Leadership class today. So, after rushing to KOS, I quickly sneaked into the class few minutes before Br. Said came.

We started the class with him talking about his trip to Chieng Mai, Thailand. He said it was a nice experience and gave some tips while being there... After that, we proceeded with the presentations from Mia's group on Public Speaking.

The presentation mostly about the dos and don'ts - again the same thing brought by other groups including us, in public speaking. The scenario was the international public speaking competition and there were 3 members acted as representatives from Maldives, Aussie, and Malaysia respectively. The topic was legalization on prostitution. The Maldives guy gave out some point but there were times he was speaking in a language that probably none of us in the class would understand apart of himself. The second speaker - Mia, who was jumping in and out of the topic while the last speaker - Hazreen, well I think she was portraying a good speaker...

The second part was when Hannan stepped in and pointed out some things that need to be considered such as mic testing, choices of words, eye contact, speech pace, which are vital in public speaking. Mia also said some stuffs on how to overcome your nervousness which is by drinking a lot of water - also good to prevent from dehydration as your mouth can get dried easily while speaking, and as for handling stress, you just need to take deep breathe and have some confidence. Hazreen also said that you need to overcome the fear in you like in public speaking. Well, speaking of fear, deep sea was I fear most - worldly affair to be specific. I almost drown in waterfall and while playing at the beach when I was small so that definitely add up to reason why I'm so scared of deep sea. But of course I intend to overcome the fear by learning to swim when I got some time in future.

Few last things being mentioned are what do you need to have in mind in public speaking which are critical thinking, read a lot of materials, and how to relax before going up to the stage.

Speaking of reading materials, I remember my teacher once said that books are the most important element in seeking the knowledge. Which is why I love bookstores so much and I can sit in there for hours. I still remember the first time I stepped into Kinokuniya in KLCC, and went out after spending 8 hours straight in there... That was a record, I think. But recently, as I need to do few assignments on my core subjects, I added up a new source of informations - among the books, internet, multimedia, etc., which is journal. I never want to read a journal before until I'm instructed to do so by my lecturer. It was long and quite draggy but I think it's a good experience. I got to learn a lot of new vocabularies and medical terms. But I still think I need some time to get used with it.

All in all, their presentation was okay and quite informative. A bit outstanding than the others probably because most of the member have good conduct in English. Well, the President of IIUM Kuantan English Debate is in there... What more can I expect?

As we started the class late, we had only one presentation for today. It was past seven already and I quickly rushed home.

That's all, ciao!

Few Weeks Before Final Examinations

2010-03-01T11:47:00.005+08:00

As usual, now it's the time when presentations need to be presented, assignments to be submitted, reports to written, etc. etc. etc. ...

Today, I'm having Quality Assurance presentation. Started at 9 in the morning, we still haven't finish all the presentations... There are 12 more groups to go... Haiz.... I don't whether this is a fortunate thing for me or unfortunate thing for my group member, but we're gonna be the last group to present.... NO!!!!

It's freaking boring.... and my MacBook is already out of battery...

Thursday Night!

2010-02-25T21:50:00.004+08:00

Feeling bored as I don't have anything to do tonight... Almost all my housemates went out for movies while I'm stuck inside my room and do nothing but staring at O-Lie - my teddy bear.

Actually, there are a lot of things I need to right now it's just that I don't think I can do anything... Well, at least for now.. I don't want to be a lazy bum throughout this weekend...

I've been through the whole one month - December '09's NST newspapers this evening with Shahida for the sake of our Parasitology assignment... Unfortunately, there wasn't much information we got... I think I need to borrow more newspapers from the library...

Aish! I wonder why I'm feeling annoyed right now... is there anything to kill? Someone? Something? =)

Ah... Tomorrow's is my best friend wedding... I wish I were there... I really want to go but there's nothing I can do about it... To be honest, I don't even ask Mum to buy me flight tickets... It's not that I don't want to go but then... I wonder what I'm going to do if I were there...

I called Mum to confirm the dates I'm going back at the end of my short semester. It's going to be exact one month holiday so I really have to plan it starting from now. I don't want to waste just like that as I know there won't be any chance for me to go back later... Next short semester will packed with practicals and I'm hoping to be graduated before I hit another short semester after that...

I miss him... again. I wonder how long it takes before this feeling fades away... Well, can it be faded away? can I just throw it away? Can I just forget?

Someone said it already...

"Moon, you got to let him go..."

But what if I don't want to let him go? Can you just let me be?

"It's not a wrong thing for you to like someone... Someone who can love someone else is guiltless.."

I wonder whether I'm guiltless or I'm just innocent regarding this thing...

I really want to see him again... Even just for 5 minutes... for the last five years since I met him... I really want to see his face again...

it's unbelievable but it's true... probably it's because I'm freaking bored right now so I started to think about nonsense.

Is it nonsense?

A Reflection... #3

2010-02-18T23:53:00.001+08:00

As for today, I have no other class other than Leadership class. Though I felt so lazy to prepare myself before going to class, I arrived around a quarter before 5. Well, that's early.

After waited for almost half an hour, Br. Said came and he said a few things that needed to be cleared among us. He also talked about some people who have this mind-setting that Friday is considered as weekend. As far as I concerned, even since my Matriculation days most of IIUM students had this idea of going back every Friday and some even going back on Thursday if they don't have class on the next day. Back in Matric also, I still remember there are some students claimed themselves as members of PBSM - not Persatuan Bulan Sabit Merah but Persatuan Balik Setiap Minggu. I don't really get these particular of people as for me who considerably a bit independent as I went to boarding schools and need to get on flights to reach home, I wonder when these people started to grow up and enjoy a little bit more of living independently. Don't get me wrong but going back home for every weekend? Especially most of programs held in campus held during the weekends and no wonder why not a lot of students participate in those programs.

Br. Said also advised us to solve our problems right away and not to postpone them as it'll lead to a lot more problems in future. I'm totally agree on that. When it comes to assignments and reports, I preferably do them before I get onto my revisions. But the problems rise when I have to do them in group as synchronizing the time with other members and setting up a place where we could meet are sometimes hard to be done. The solution is to divide the tasks given and do it ourselves. When everything's ready, we just need to compile and submit the assignments.

Other than that, he also advised us to brush up our English vocabulary and familiarize ourselves with Medical terms such as tonsillitis, etc. As a Biomedical Science student, I have to agree. Well, having basic in Medical terminology helps a lot especially when it comes to studying Physiology, Anatomy, Pharmacology, Pathology and other related subjects.

We also need to enhance our language skills, especially English - our medium language in class. I am totally agree on that as I'm sick of people who have their gut to come up in front to make announcements or giving out talks on religion but speaking in Bahasa and basically I have to translate every single word to my International friends. What's worse? They speak in dialects that I don't even understand. It's not that I'm incapable to understand but at least when it comes to serious stuffs, if you don't want to speak in English, speak in standard Bahasa at least as some of the International students can understand a bit of it. I think if you want people to take you seriously, you have to be the first one who's taking what you're trying to convey seriously and let's start with the language. Who cares if your English broken, why bother to laugh? Babies don't run right away after they were born. My English isn't something that I can proud of but at least I learn and improve every single day. Come on, people! Speaking in English it's not that hard like other foreign language, take Japanese for an instance. There are more than 50, 000 'kanji' registered in Japanese language an I have to memorize at least 2000 in order to pass the Japanese Language Proficiency Test Level 4 or read the newspaper.

Back to my Leadership class.

As usual, we're going to have another 2 presentations. The first group for today was the third group. They were presenting on communication skills. Basically, half of the presentation was in Bahasa. There were two parts, the first part was about The Deaf who was trying to tell The Blind that his money was stolen. That was nice, I think. The second part was about the dos and don'ts in interview session. All in all, I think the group's presentation was okay and entertaining but a bit informative.

The second presentation was brought by the fifth group, headed by Nini on organizational skills. The group portrayed the importance of organizational skills through acting by the group members. Unorganized company can be seen through its workers who lack of skills and this had resulted in the company's bankruptcy. All in all, the acting was nice and the message was delivered.

Of course, being organized is very important when it comes to a student like me. In organizing my learning materials, notes, reports, assignments, projects, and other things, filing system and notebooks offer me a big help. Having an Apple MacBook's application such as iCal helps me to sort my schedule smoothly, Address Book to handle my hundreds of contacts, iWork that works better than my Microsoft office and most importantly, all these things can be synchronized in my palm-sized iPod Touch which is highly convenient for me. Not to condemn the traditional executive diaries or phonebooks, but I'm just saying hello to 21st century!

In a nutshell, I enjoyed today's class and hope more things will be brought on the table for the next coming classes.

That's all, folks!

Being Me, That's All

2010-02-15T22:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if everyone I know is showing his true self in front of me...

Me? Sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself.

But, most importantly, I just wanna be myself in front of other people...

Therefore, to all hypocrites out there, don't show yourself in front of me.

A Reflection... #2

2010-02-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

Finally, after all those preparations before our group presentation for Leadership class, we presented it today. I felt relief when everything's over.

In our presentation on Leadership Skills my group members - Hazirah, Izzati, Asma and I acted as candidates that are running for an election. Each of us need to portray the dos and don'ts as a leader while Soraya will 'pause' us whenever a right or wrong thing done by us and point it out to the audiences.

Throughout the presentation, I thought this was the first time I present something using this method so it's quite unique to me, at least. As my turn came the last one to present, I had some time to observe the audiences. There were a lot seemed interested, but there were some seemed bored, there were some who was listening to their mp3, there were some who was sleeping, I even saw our Br. Said yawned a few times at the back. Well, everybody had their own reason why they did all those things and it probably does not mean they were not paying attention and vice versa.

As we started the class a little bit late, me - who's having trouble riding at night, need to leave early. I watched the second group's presentation for a few minutes and left after informed Br. Said.

Being a student is something that I have lived with for almost all my life. As I started the education earlier than other kids my age, went to 2 different schools in primary level - simultaneously, been to 2 boarding schools in secondary level, went to Centre for Foundation Studies of IIUM after that and now here in IIUM's Kuantan campus doing my bachelor degree, I can say studying holds a very big part of who I am. Learning is life-long process so I think it's not a big deal for being a student at this age of almost 22 while watching most of my friends back home who are already working, having businesses and married.

But of course, being a student has its own responsibility. Other than doing great in examinations, this is the time where a lot of opportunities to excel in aspects such as leadership, entrepreneurship, and other things come up through activities held in and off campus. There are a lot of programs where students can gain knowledge such as talks and workshops.

In a nutshell, from the session that had in class today, I can conclude that this university life is a very crucial stage of my life where I'll experience a lot of things - hardship, challenges, ups and downs, and of course the fun. There are still 2 years left before I graduate and I think I want to enjoy the rides of being a university student. Wish me luck!

I Love Saturday

2010-01-30T23:25:00.004+08:00

Today, I finished half of my Saturday in East Coast Mall shopping, eating and watching movie. It's the first time ever I went to a mall alone and I felt so light and free. I don't know whether it's a good or a bad feeling but I just felt that way. Can't help it!

Reached at ECM around 11 in the morning, I went straight to Sand - Loreal's Hair Salon and got myself a haircut. What a refreshing shampoo used on my hair! I love it! I miss my hairstylist though... Still, Shamon is a nice hairstylist. She'd done my hair very well...

Then, I went for my hotspot - Sushi King! Having okonomiyaki for a start, then some sashimi, and lastly I ordered unagi temaki. Stayed for a while in there before I had the last sip of my green tea.

Went to Living Cabin to search for Abeer's birthday present... I went through everything until I found the right one to give her... Well, hope she'll like it... :) I asked the lady at the counter to wrap it for me but I think I can wrap it better than her. Honestly...

Headed to the cinema after that to watch Legion - starring the guy from Da Vinci Code - Paul Bettany as the good angel, the guy from 2 Fast and 2 Furious and Transformers - Tyrese Gibson, the guy from The Fast and The Furious - Lucas Black, a cameo girl from Supernatural - Adriana Palicki, and some more. The film is a bit horror for me and evolved around Christianity, but still, like Da Vinci Code, I'm just enjoying the story...

After the movie, I went to Carrefour to buy some groceries and toiletries... There were a lot of people as the Chinese New Year is getting near... Got to see a lot of hot Chinese guys... :) Oopsie... Let's just scratch that...

Then, went to Starbucks to get Iced Caramel Macchiato. Nash was at the counter and I saw Mr. Blender is back after a long break... Both of them noticed I went shopping alone, and teased me if I was with someone. Like that ever gonna happen! :P

After reading a few pages of Eclipse, I decided to check on Padini, to see if there's sale and YES! There is! I went in and grab some T-shirts and shorts.

I called for a delivery and waited at Big Apple. Reached home around 8 p.m.

At home, Bella opened the door for me. She noticed the scooter and I noticed her car parked outside the fence... :D So, now everybody in the house has a ride! It's a good thing I guess... I chatted with Bella for a while before she went to get her friend from campus to accompany her in the room tonight.

All in all, wow... I think I should do this shopping-alone again... :) hehe

Good night!

Wondering, Wishing, Wanting, Willing, Waiting,...

2010-01-19T03:02:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I heard someone's said,

"As a human being, desire is a must. If you don't have one at least, you are just the same as the dead,"

Really? Seriously?

When I think about it, like really think about it deeply, over and over again, I realized it's been a very long time since I had something that I really want and willing to do anything to get it. Well, it doesn't include any unethical things. But still, if I'm not mistaken, the last thing that I want so badly - to the extent that I would be jumping around and dancing like I'm the luckiest person on earth, was... I can't remember.

I always go by the flow of time, going through things that happened and accepted them as if there's nothing I can do to make them stop from happening. Well, what's done is done...

Back to now, I think I need to be more sensitive and try to be more alert of things that happening, events on going, meeting new people, trying new things, and lots more...

I wonder... If I can be someone I want to be...

I wish... If I have more courage in me, I would want to take risks in order to get something extraordinary...

I want... The thing I want most in my life would benefit people around me...

I'm willing... To do anything I need to get it...

I'm waiting... for the time to come for me to start going for it...

Is it now? Is it later?

Is it now or never?

A Reflection... #1

2010-01-15T00:18:00.005+08:00

Finally after a long wait for Leadership class, today I had one. Well, it's 2 in 1 actually... Though I'm not really agree with the concept of killing two birds at one shot as we're having 2 sessions in one class, still all my classmates are okay with it... It's a good thing I guess.

When the lecturer came, I was surprised. It's not that he's an alien or something but because it was the first time I saw him. As I know most of the lecturers in Kulliyyah of Science - except in Department of Mathematical Science, I bet he's not in our Kulliyyah.

My first impression? He's definitely a strict and particular person. Well, I was right at the end of the sessions.

While waiting for others to come - though he prefer to wait for them, we discussed a few ground rules in the next coming sessions that we're going to have with him. Basically, we have to come for every session - of course. Two times of absent will result in barring from the course. We're not going to have final exam but if you are barred, you are required to repeat the whole course during next semester. We all have to submit assignments which is a journal - An Experience Learning Leadership and Management Module: A Reflection. Lastly, we all are required to participate in the task given which is our presentation.

After explaining a little bit more on what we should do in our presentations, we are required to form a group and chose a topic - from the module. Done with that, we proceeded with the things we are going to evaluate from our classmates' presentations as we are going to give 50% mark for every presentation.

Finally, we got the chance to know a little bit more on who's actually the person behind the name of Br. Mohd. Said Nurumal - our lecturer. He's the Deputy Dean of Academic Affair of IIUM's Kulliyyah of Nursing. A lot of questions rose among my classmates mostly regarding his personal life. A few questions on what he likes. Surprised when we heard he loves Disneyland, he explained that it is because that he likes the animation created by Walt Disney and went to Walt Disney Animation Studio few times to actually enjoy the thrill of animation. He also told us that he had been to so many places which had me feel a little bit of envy of him. It's not that I never travelled before but I just can't help it. But then, I realize the fun he had came with a price. I bet being a Deputy Dean of Academic Affair in KON isn't something you can joke about. It's a heavy responsible and of course there will be special treatments given if you're in that position.

It suddenly reminds me of being the only daughter in the family. I'm the first who went abroad and I have to admit that I mostly get what I want. But, I do realize all those things come with a price and it's expensive. All my life I have to live up to their expectations - though I'm not that good in my studies, and I have to go with everything they decided. My course, especially. I never intended to study science but they want me to. I never wanted to be in IIUM's Kuantan campus but they actually flew from Sabah - my hometown, and sent me here. However, I decided to go with everything they want me to do. I hope good things will come to me as I know consent from parents are very important.

But, a friend once said to me, "In life, you don't do things half-heartedly." Because I believe there is something that I can do better than science so I started to take things that laid in front of me not seriously. I'm lacking in a lot of things compare to my classmates who got high CGPA and I have different way of learning science or my course I should say. For me, as I know I'm not as good as other people in my class, I take things slowly than others, and trying my best to understand things I need to know for every subject I'm taking.

Every time my head goes up to space, as I imagine myself doing other thing - studying Architecture, I will remember what had said by my English teacher back in secondary school, "A person who does not take seriously what he's doing now is someone who does not have the right to talk about what he wants in future." That'll definitely bring me back to earth and the reality of life will hit my face and tells me to wake up and start to work hard in my study.

Back to my Leadership class...

So, before we dispersed, we decided the date for our next session where my group and I will present our topic on Leadership Skills.

All in all, I think... well, I hope our coming sessions will be interesting as there won't be any lecture just presentations by our classmates. As for me and my group, we're going to have discussions regarding our presentation by the end of this week. The earlier, the better.

As I need to do some research on our topic, that's all for now.

Ciao!

New Me... I Guess...

2010-01-01T02:48:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year, everyone... It's 2010 and I've got few things to say...

As usual, new year comes along with fresh determinations... Therefore this year, I'm determined to shape myself and become a better person... Inside out...

I hope I can manage my time properly,

prioritize things around me = studying should comes to the 1st place,

and lots of things to be taken care of...

and most importantly to get to know more of what is the thing that I want most in my life...

"It can't be done" is I hate mostly... So, I will never do things halfway anymore... I want to finish every single thing I had started... But of course... Studying isn't something I can be done with but in things involving commitment and determination in achieving something, I would really want to try at least finish every phase I have to go through in order to go forward to the next phase, in my field of study, in my life...

That's all.

It's Raining, Again!

2009-12-21T08:55:00.002+08:00

Since last week, it's been raining non-stop from morning till night here in Kuantan. Seriously, I'm not complaining but every time it's raining my mood will go down and down. Why? Even I don't know... This raining season is basically driving me crazy... Can't go anywhere, anytime, every single day...

I still remember back home, every time it's raining mum will fry something to eat like fried banana, 'cucur' or anything like it... and all of us will have some tea while seating in the living room. It's so warm and comfortable... I really like the feeling and I have to admit, I was less feeling crazy back then...

I think everything is nice about home...

It's freaking 9 in the morning and here I am, sitting in our WacKOS - a place for us as SCIENCESS students to hang out, online, read newspapers, well it's our Resource Centre actually but we call it as WacKOS.

Speaking of WacKOS, let me tell you about how WacKOS got its name.

Even since our Foundation days back in CFSIIUM, SCIENCESS students are known not only as less nerdy - and smart in terms of appearance than Medicine students and less stylo than Architecture students, but also we are fun and wacky. Therefore, when we put Wacky together with the abbreviation of our Faculty - here known as Kulliyyah, Kulliyyah of Science (KOS), we get WacKOS.

Well, at least that was I was told by my senior. (If I'm wrong, correct me.)

Hmm... Class is at 11 and I think I want to revise some more.

Have a nice day, people!

New Semester, New Schedule, New Subjects, New This, New That... and New Home!

2009-12-13T03:09:00.002+08:00

Flew back from Sabah on Thursday, stayed at my friend's room in IIUM Gombak Campus, went to Pavilion KL the next day, and I went straight back to campus. It's freaking exhausting!

Went to Pavilion to bring my MacBook back to EpiCentre Apple Reseller to check what's wrong with it as when I tried to start, there'll be this annoying bleeping sound that hurts my ear so much until I was about to smash it on the wall. Just kidding. Fortunately, as it still in warranty, I got a brand new 2 GB RAM... Nice service! (Actually, there's another customer who was complaining why there wasn't any change after she came last time for a service...). Hmm... I hope that doesn't happen to me!

On the way to Kuantan, the bus broke down in the middle of the road only after half an hour it took off. Thank God I managed to arrive safe and sound.

I went back to hostel first to take all my stuffs with the help from Shidah and later that evening, my new housemate, Fatin gave me a ride to my new home.

It's a double story house. My room located on the second floor and I got myself and Fatin the master bedroom. It's actually not that big but I'm not complaining. It's enough for the two of us. I guess. I started to unpack my things right away but then I realize I need to buy some stuffs first so we went to ECM. All of us were starving so we had our approximately 2 p.m.-lunch at KFC. After that we hit the Carrefour. I bought a study table, a chair, and some food stuffs.

I continued the unpacking mission but Fatin said we need to have our meeting regarding lots of issues upon this house. While we were in deep discussion, Fatin claimed that she heard something and saw a hand on the kitchen's windows. All of us were freaking out. I even had goosebumps. Gosh! We don't know what to do but then look at the kitchen area again and again. There were nothing. So we distracted ourselves talking some more until we heard another sound. Kak Sarah went to check in their bathroom and it's just the water dropping on the sink. Wow. When you are scared and a bit panic, your senses just getting sharper.

So we decided to stop the meeting and get ready for sleep. Everybody took their mattresses and pillows - not forgetting their teddies, to my room and put aside all my stuffs. Therefore here we all are, the 7 girls of this house, sleeping together in this room. It really feels like slumber party right now.

I hope everything will be fine here. I pray hard for us to be safe until the last day we stay in this house. Amin.

Oka, people. Good night! Owh... I mean good morning!

Floating In The Air

2009-12-10T16:52:00.000+08:00

This is my 21st flight.

Hmm... My 21st flight is when I'm 21 years old. Cool.

I stopped the 'drama' in the airport on my 10th flight. But all of a sudden, there were tears in my eyes when I was looking back and saw mum waving at me. I know that I'm not coming back for a very long time after this. So I guess that's why.

Basically, living far from my family is something that I adapted quiet a long time ago. I think since 2 semesters before I finished my foundation. Therefore, I don't have the homesickness while being away from my family anymore. It's just that when the times get tough especially during examinations, the feeling of wanting to be home is very strong.

I always remember what Mum said to me that I need to be very focus in my study and do everything what's needed in order to be an exellent student. Do things as hard as I can and as smart as I can get. I have to give 110% commitment in pursuing what I want like I've got nothing to lose.

Hmm... Sometimes I wonder why mums can always say wonderful things that fill our heart with confidence. They always know how to make us feel like floating in the air. Light, free, and comfortable.

Throughout This Holiday

2009-12-09T16:08:00.002+08:00

Seafood - checked.
Shopping - checked.
Went to Grandma's - checked.
'Cooking like chef' at home - checked.
Went for movies - checked.
Japanese Drama Marathon - checked.
Fighting with lil' brother - checked.
Quality time with mum - checked.
Dad's Multi-Purpose Assistant - checked.

I think I'm quite happy with the holiday this time... :)

I'm Out of My Mind... I Think.

2009-12-01T14:45:00.005+08:00

I called some people in the Kulliyyah of Architecture and Environmental Design of IIUM in Gombak Campus today. I asked the basic questions about the requirements and the prospects if I want to apply the Undergraduate there. I'm not sure whether this is a right thing to do but then this was what I did before I finally decided not to apply UMS last time. I have to know what I'm gonna do if I take it and what am I gonna miss if I just let it go. I think, it's a good way in making the right decision.
I asked Mum about it. if I want to be an architect, I told her that she and Dad have to wait for another 4 years at least. If I decide to do Pure Architecture, it's gonna be 5 years.

She said she don't have problem with it. Thank God.

But I know Dad will go ballistic if he listen these words about this architect thing. Well, all he sees is the last 3 years I spent in Biology that definitely will go down the drain and the next 4-5 years that even myself not so sure whether I can make it or not.

I really don't know what to do.

I asked myself over and over again. What is the problem with Biomedical Science? Well, obviously there are a lot of problems such as the unprofessional lecturers, lack of management in the laboratories, selfish classmates, exam-oriented-people environment, less interesting lectures, etc. I forget to put 'IIUM's Biomedical Science' there. The campus itself is problematic if you really want to begin with the problems actually. I tried not to include the hostel environment as that aspect will only be considered if I wanna change university.

The reason why I wanna change to Architecture? I want to run Mum's and Dad's businesses later on but the most important one is because I start to grew deep interest toward architecture recently. Well, when I think about it, if you ask me like 5 years ago, would I choose Architectural stream over Science stream, I would choose Architecture. Why? Because I love Art and Science and Architecture has both of them, right?

I wish I can go back in time. Seriously. I think it's because I'm not that brave to make decision on my own when I was younger. I only see things through my parents' eyes all this while - I'm not saying it's a bad thing but I guess I just missed the thing that maybe just maybe is something that I can do like really do with deep interest, strong willingness, and high determination.

I guess it's because I have tons of distractions like music, movies, technologies, etc.

I asked Mum whether I should change university as Architecture in IIUM is gonna take at least 4 years while other universities' courses in Architecture can be completed in 3 years. She suggested UMS - again. I told her I don't wanna study in Bahasa as it's freaking more complicated than English. It's not that my English is something that I can proud of but Bahasa? I went through hard times in Matriculation as I need to switch all the terms to English and now I have to go through that again? NO WAY!

If I need to go to UMS, I rather choose UNIMAS. Why? You know why. :) Another reason is because the Arts courses there are excellent - Mdm. Vianna from my secondary school graduated from there was a great Art teacher. I think it's a great place to study.

Actually, I rather stay in IIUM. Plus, Gombak campus has a very good environment to study. The mahallah, the cafes, sport complexes, the library, and of course it's nearby KL!

But then, if I just go on with things that I'm doing right now isn't that bad. I might further my studies in Japan and join researches in diseases especially spinocerebellar ataxia in one of the universities in Tokyo. Jounan University perhaps.

My life plan?

1 - I want to finish my degree - no matter what course and I want to be in Second Class at least.

2 - Work for 1 or 2 years. Or maybe not as I'll just gonna further my studies abroad. In Japan, Korea, UK or Australia.

3 - After I'm done with living abroad life, I'll go back to Malaysia and find a new job.

4 - Get my own apartment, car, and maybe start on planning my own business. (I detail these things later especially my apartment design).

5 - Go on a trip to go around places in Japan and Korea - again.

I have a lot of things I want to do, experience, accomplish, achieve, and most importantly I really want to live my life to the fullest.Sounds normal and ordinary but I really want to do it.

Some people might think that all these things are only going on and on in my head but I think well, for me at least, I just want to take things slowly but always progressing. Rome wasn't built in one night, right? Therefore, to do something that give impact on your life isn't something that you do over night. I need to think, plan, and take actions. I know all these things need to be planned smoothly and that is what I'm doing right now so when the time comes for me to turn words into actions, I can do it smoothly.

I also hope, that while I'm trying my best to accomplish all the things I want in my life, God will guide me to the right path. I ask for His Forgiveness for my wrong-doings, Blessings in all that I do as I want to do things for His Sake and for the benefit of my family and other people. I hope that at the end of the day, I know that I had lived my life rightfully and I always know that He's watching all along.

Maybe, after all those things, I can finally find my own happiness. Happiness in my own term. Maybe it involve a very important person my life or maybe not. I don't know that yet.

Prisoner of Love

2009-11-15T20:43:00.002+08:00

I’m a prisoner of love, prisoner of love

Just a prisoner of love
I’m just a prisoner of love

A prisoner of love

平気な顔で嘘をついて
笑って　嫌気がさして
楽ばかりしようとしていた

ないものねだりブルース
皆安らぎを求めている
満ち足りてるのに奪い合う
愛の影を追っている

退屈な毎日が急に輝きだした
あなたが現れたあの日から
孤独でも辛くても平気だと思えた
I'm just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

病める時も健やかなる時も
嵐の日も晴れの日も共に歩もう

I'm gonna tell you the truth
人知れず辛い道を選ぶ<
私を応援してくれる
あなただけを友と呼ぶ

強がりや欲張りが無意味になりました
あなたに愛されたあの日から
自由でもヨユウでも一人じゃ虚しいわ
I'm just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

Oh もう少しだよ
Don't you give up
Oh 見捨てない　
絶対に

残酷な現実が二人を引き裂けば
より一層強く惹かれ合う
いくらでもいくらでも頑張れる気がした
I'm just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

ありふれた日常が急に輝きだした
心を奪われたあの日から
孤独でも辛くても平気だと思えた
I'm just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

Stay with me, stay with me
My baby, say you love me
Stay with me, stay with me

一人にさせない

Translation

With an unconcerned face I tell lies
I smile, I’m tired of this
I was only trying to be at comfort

Having the blues for desiring too much
Everyone’s seeking tranquility
Though content they still struggle
Chasing after love’s shadow

The boring days suddenly started to shine
Since the day you came in sight
Even though it was lonely and harsh, it was fine
I’m just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

In sickness and in health
In stormy days and in fine days, let’s walk together

I’m gonna tell you the truth
I’m secretly choosing the harsh road
You cheered me on
You are the only one I call friend

Things like greed and fake courage have become nonsense
Since the day I was loved by you
Even if I’m free or have my own space, being alone makes it futile
I’m just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

Oh, just a little more
Don’t you give up
Oh, I won’t abandon you ever

If the cruel reality splits us apart
We will pull each other even stronger
No matter how much, I felt we could stand firm
I’m just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

My normal days suddenly started shining
Since the day my heart was snatched away
Even if it got lonely and harsh, it was fine
I’m just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love

Stay with me, stay with me
My baby, say you love me
Stay with me, stay with me

I won’t leave you alone

Prisoner of Love by Utada Hikaru

Times Like This

2009-11-13T00:03:00.006+08:00

Just finished the 3rd final exams paper. Don't know what to say as they were 300 spaces to be blackened in the MCQ answer sheet and 2 short essays to be answered. The time only 2 and half hour... Phew!

As the war isn't over yet, I still got 2 more papers before flying across the South China Sea to go back home and then hello, beaches!

When I got myself home, I was thinking about repainting my room. The colour will be dark brown and ivory. Planning to kill some time at Room in Mid Valley to buy some stuffs to add more flavour in the corner or maybe grab some cute things in Living Cabin. Other than that, I need to get rid of some old stuffs from high school days like my old files and ancient reference books - that was my brother called it. Also I need to get some lightings to live up the atmosphere a bit. But most importantly, I really need to get a new curtains as the old one's a bit tatty I think.

I also need to re-landscaping my mini garden. Thinking to get some rosemary and baby's breath. The backyard also needs attention. I'm gonna clean it up and get some flowers over there. Now it looks so freaking boring.

OMG! I forgot it's holiday! I think I'm going to take my family to some place around Sabah, the National Park, maybe? As it's been a long time since the last time we went there. The views are so beautiful. I may get lucky if I see a Rafflesia at times like this.

Not forgetting to do some shopping with my best friends. Plus, it's their birthdays! What should I get them? Perfumes are boring, dresses are so common, maybe something handmade. That would be lovely. A giant card?

Now that I remember that I need to sit and talk to Mum and Dad about the things that need to be settled down. yeah... I mean things...

Alright, folks! I need to do some final touch for Principles of Epidemiology tomorrow.

Ciao!

When I Look Back...

2009-11-11T17:49:00.005+08:00

I was raised in a... I don't know whether my family is perfect or not but I think every family has their own issues, right?

When I looked back at what I've been through for the last 21 years, I never really actually have a lot of good memories to be cherished forever... I've been through hard situations when I was in boarding school where I tried my best to fit in but all I can see back then they - my so-called friends, can't fit with me... All the things I did were wrong and all their thoughts and opinions were right... I had never given a chance to speak for myself, and all they did was pointing out all my mistakes... None of them was trying to help me, guide me, lead me, to be someone better... I was pushed to the corner, I was desperate for a friend... I tried to scream but I felt like I had no voice... So I keep on making mistakes... Hurt people around me that I actually cared so much about them...

After some time, I decided to leave them... and I did. It felt really good...

When I started to make new friends at the new school, I did experienced a lot of new things. Got to know a lot of type of people. But then, again there were a lot of people who didn't like me, why? Just because I took the first place in class? In the whole school?

I tried to ignore all those bad things were said about me, I tried to keep on focus on my studies, but after awhile, I kept on failing... Not really fail those subjects but my grades were getting worst... I don't understand why. After I make some friends, my grades were falling, and the only reason I can guess was I can't keep things on balance. Therefore, after trying to manage some time to balance between fun and studies, I rise up again to be a good student. Well, not to talk big about myself, it's true.

When I got to higher secondary level, I changed to Science stream. I felt like stranger as I got a lot of new classmates and among them was Ogy. She was the nicest person I ever known on earth. She was really cheerful, bright, and the most I like about her was her smile.

Without realizing it, me and Ogy became closer. Well, as we're in the same class, we were practically did almost everything together. Like walking towards the laboratories, going to school cafeteria, and lots of other things. Both of us were having our own circle of friends outside of the class. I was with my classmates from lower secondary who most of them in Religion stream and she was with her classmates also from lower secondary who most of them in Lukisan Teknik - don't know what to call in English, sorry but then we were very comfortable with that. It's like having your own spaces.

Along with us were Hidayah and Janah. So the four of us were also so close back then... At the end of my fourth year in secondary school, it was the second time I felt betrayed by a friend of mine. The first one I was okay with it as things ended in a good way but the the second time was the worst in my life so far. 100% guaranteed.

If you trust someone, you definitely just open up with him, right? You will let yourself expose to him inside and outside, right? Most importantly, you will tell them secrets, right? But in my case, it was her. I was betrayed by her. Though I admit even until now I'm not really that clear with what had happened that time, but what I'm so sure even from the moment I realize that she must be part of the whole thing. Even until now, I still believe it's true. Not only she was taking part in planning the whole thing with someone who I thought an angel was sent from above, she was there watching the plan progressing until the thing just hit me right to my face.

I don't understand. If you are human, I would say that you must have some sort of dignity, pride, honesty, and most importantly, you should realize where your heart is. But for her, I don't even know what was she thinking that time. Is it because she wanted me to go down on my kneel and say she is the queen of the world or is it because she just can't accept me as another human being who have feeling and should I say just like her?

In a nutshell, though it's been more than 4 years already... I don't think I can just act like nothing had happened between us before. Though she can show her face in front of me and act like she didn't do anything wrong, I still can't offer a warm welcome just like what I did back then. I forgive her, yes... a long time a go but I just can't forget. Not like that.

Time goes by and now I'm studying in a nice place and living with nice people. As for me and Ogy, we are still friends though we are studying in a very different place and different courses. I guess we can live with that. Same goes with Hidayah though I don't know what happened with Janah... Still, I always pray that she's gonna be okay no matter what she's doing right now.

To all people out there, those who reading this post, I hope you guys can live with dignity and trust among you. As nowadays we can find corruptions everywhere. Together we remind each other not only if you see other people doing bad things but also a friendly reminder among us that we're not living alone on this Earth... We live together and together we become stronger and do remember that He's watching you... (sounds weird, huh? I'm not talking about aliens okay...)

Have a nice day, people!

Love Letter

2009-11-11T01:11:00.005+08:00

I've been lying on this comfy bed for almost half an hour but I couldn't sleep... Though I just came back after spending the whole day in the library, I just can't sleep... Though I feel so tired and exhausted... I still can't close my eyes... I hugged Mr. D tightly, but I still feel uncomfortable... So many things in my head but I don't know what am I thinking right now...

I guess there's something is bothering me... I look outside the window, I can't see the moon tonight... I look at the ceiling, trying to search for something to look at... Nothing...

I look at my watch, it's almost midnight... I wonder why I couldn't sleep... Is it because of the final exams? It's possible though...

Snap! I quickly looked at my watch again... It's midnight and it's 11th of November! Now I remember why I just can't stop thinking about you recently... It's your birthday!

We know each other for 5 years already... but I feel like I've known you long before that... On this special day, I would like to wish you a very happy 21st birthday... I wish all the happiness in the world for you... All the best in everything you do... and mostly, I hope that you can get everything that you wished for...

Honestly, though I never said how I actually felt about you, I just want you to know that I do really care about you... Though you can't really tell from the way I look at you...

Do you still remember the first time we talked to each other? I can't forget that day... You refused to help me in Physics, though you were good at it back then... It's the first time I felt so rejected, you know? We never talked again after that day until the day you showed me your drawings to me and I felt so amazed with it...

If you notice, I never talk to any other person like the way I talk to you... Though you never look at me straight to my eyes, that's the thing I like the most about you... When you express your thoughts, you always be honest and selfless... Though you tried so hard like you know all the things in the world... But I always know that you were innocent... You never talked highly about yourself... You always said there are other people who are better than you...

If you ask me, I don't even remember since when I started to like you... I never actually realize the feeling that I had for you is that special... I just thought that the feeling will go away after awhile.. But it didn't... It never did... I thought it's just a simple crush... or I just infatuated... We were in high school... But I don't know why I acted so mature back then...

Now, after all these years... I still can sense your presence here with me... Though you are so far away from me... and all those things that happened back then, I feel like it just happened yesterday...

Truthfully, I always wished that things didn't turned the way like what happened last time...

I always wanted for things that happened between us didn't end like that...

So on this special day, your birthday... I would like to take this day where I finally say to you... and I'm sorry for taking this long to finally to be able say it in front of you...

I Love You... I Miss You... and I Really Need You... E.F. ...

With Love,

NMJ

Do I Have To Follow What They Say?

2009-11-10T02:14:00.003+08:00

Basically now I'm at the end of my first year means I did 2 long semester and I did an extra short semester to do language and religion studies. So far I did 8 Core Courses, 2 University Required Courses, 2 Faculty Required Courses and 2 Service Courses...

That are the facts... But honestly, I feel like it's been so many years since I enter this university life! Tiring and exhausting but only a bit exciting...

While doing my foundation, there was one time where I think Architecture is kind of interesting but also very tiring. I saw my roommate - an Architecture student, slept for only a few hours a week, a lot of projects to be done, assignments to be submitted and lots of other things to be done. I'm not complaining but as a Science student, I also have assignments to do, lab reports to be submitted, model constructions, and lots of other things... But I don't know why I don't find this course I'm doing right now is not interesting as I can see in Architecture...

I never actually dream to be an Architect. But before I finished my foundation studies, I grow deep interest towards Architecture. If I saw a very interesting building, not only looking at it for a very long time, I can imagine the blue prints of the building, how the building looks on papers, what are the material used to build it and lots of other things... But mostly, I enjoy the designs of buildings...

Generally, I really like Architecture as a whole, but if I want to be specific, I love interior designing especially for homes. I also think Japanese tea house has great interior design. Every thing inside and outside of the house mean something.

So now, I really don't know what to do. I asked Mum about it, she just said just think for a bit and consider what you've done for the last 3 years - in Foundation and in here... But it's not that I just going to throw everything away. I can still transfer some of my credit hours as I'm still going to be in the same university, I can resell my books that I bought for around RM1000 for second hand price and get at least 50% back. Well, money isn't a problem here. What matter is the thing I'm going to do in future.

Think about this.

If I were an architect, I can involve in my family business easily. When I got accepted in Engineering Faculty, I refuse to get in as it's so NOT my interest to be an engineer. But my Dad said if I were an engineer, I can help with the business. But I didn't think of Architecture during that time so I took Science in Biology as I really love Biology - Anatomy to be specific. So now, I think it's shouldn't be a problem, right?

I've been doing all the things my parents want me to do - it's for my own goodness, I know. But all this time I really did what they asked me to do. When I want to go to an ordinary school, they said boarding school was better, when I want to change my stream to religion studies, they said stay in Science stream, when I said I want to got to KPM's Matriculation, they said IIUM's Matriculation - now Centre for Foundation Studies was better, changing from Department of Biotechnology to Biomedical Science was my own choice but they didn't go against it, and now I want to change to Architecture for the sake of them, and they say NO?

It's not that I'm feeling angry or anything but I'm trying not to be emotional about this.

I'm trying so hard to be rational but I just still can't understand any of this.

Oh God the Almighty, I seek for your guidance...

Give and Take

2009-10-30T18:31:00.008+08:00

Finally... after the long 14 weeks the lectures ended today... but then the finals are coming!!!

Today also was the final session in Study Circle II, I think its the longest usrah, as we start at 12:30 p.m. and ended everything at 2:30 p.m.!!! Still, I'm glad I went for it... as one of my usrah-mate said something about forgiving people who had done wrong to you...

Well, so far... I've been through a lot of things that most of my friends said, "I couldn't go through that kind of situation... You know Allah test us in according to our capability, right..".

Still remember when I was still in boarding school, I was bullied, tortured, and lots of other things happened to me... Not physically but mentally... When I decided to change my school, then the girls (and some of the boys) came to me and said they were sorry and they just don't know how to deal with someone like me from the very beginning of our High School life, and hoped for me continue to stay with them. But I already made my mind and left the school with the faith that I had in me, assumed that everything happened for reasons.

It's true.

After I changed to another school, my life changed a lot. I started to have friends like real friends... who were with me through me ups and downs... who gave me courage to be who I wanna be.... and lot's of other things that I don't think I can get if I didn't went to that school...

and of course... though we are separated when we start to choose our own path in pursuing our ambitions, though we went to different Higher Learning Institutions, we still remain as friends even until now... we agreed that nothing can stop us from keep going on with this friendship...

Now, sitting here in KOS, thinking back what I've been through the last 2 long semester and a short semester, I'm feeling blessed fro having my girls here with me... If I can give them awards - each and every of them, it'll be "The Coolest Girl Ever Award"...

Thanks, girls... you guys rock my world!

The Coolest Mum and Dad on Earth!

2009-09-18T23:48:00.001+08:00

Few days before I went back home, a friend of mine - Mia, showed me her iPhone. I found it very interesting and helpful. She had a lot of applications in there and among them are eBooks of Microbiology, Biochemistry and other medical stuffs. One application costs around $40 - yes, in US dollars! but she can download them for free. Why? I can't tell that in here...

Then she told me one of her friend was trying to sell his iPod Touch - an iPhone minus calling and SMS-ing, and if you have one you can do the same as if you're having an iPhone. He sell it at the price of 2nd hand, around a thousand (actual price during that time was around RM1, 400, I think...). Hearing that, I'm so interested to be the buyer as the package came with casing and other accessories. So, I quickly phoned Mum and asked me to send some money to buy that thing.

After explaining what's this iPod was all about, she said okay and agreed to send the money the day after that. But then, when Mia phoned the friend of her to tell him someone wanted get the iPod from his hands, unfortunately he already sold it to another friend same course as him...

I was so devastated and phoned Mum after that... She said "It's not your rezeki laa... Maybe in future you'll get something better... who knows?". Feeling sad and bla bla bla... I just can't help myself from looking at the picture of iPod Touch like every 5 minutes that I downloaded from Apple.com...

Can't you guys see? It's so beautiful!!!!

So, when I got home, I was being extra-hardworking Daddy's girl - Well, you guys already know that at home I'm the cook, secretary, operator, typist, cleaner...or you guys can call it a M.P.A = multipurpose assistant (not Medical Assistant, duh...)...

So Mum was like "Something fishy... can you smell it?" to Dad... though I was trying my hardest to play innocent!

So the next day, I think I wanna pose that 1 million dollar question to Mum.... Is there any chance that she's gonna get me that thing. But then she said "Uh.. uh.. no way! You already spent a lot your Nike stuffs, remember? You even said yourself you'd done shopping until next month!"

When I think about it, yeah... I already spent a lot... Well, I bought the iPod Classic for one example... still! I wanna have it! It'll be so much easier if you have English dictionary + Biology Dictionary + PDA applications and etc. whenever, wherever you need it, right?

On the next day, the day that my big brother gonna return back from Subang's Air Force Camp, my little brother asked me if I wanna go to 1Borneo after we picked him at the airport... Thinking that I might gonna 'stalk' the iPod Touch again, I said no... but my little brother kept on insisting as he wanna buy a new watch - like mine and my big brother's, so I agreed on one condition which was do not let me passing by the Mac retail store.

When we got there! OMG! The Premium Reseller of Mac product was having a Mac Fair!

So after having our dinner at the Food Court - the kimchi was the best part, Mum wanted us to go to the Mac Fair. Thinking that I'm gonna be more and more sad if I didn't get one of those iPod Touches... I don't wanna go but my little brother grabbed my hands faster before I could say anything!

Looking around and around, I manage to find the iPod booth so I pushed away the promoter and showed to Mum the angel. I explained the features and everything to her... the PDA-like features, the applications and all... But I was so surprised when she actually requested one to buy and it's for me! Yippee!!!!

Before leaving the fair, I managed to grab the casing and the charger so I don't need to charged my iPods from my laptop...

Well, I gotta admit that my Mum and Dad are the coolest parents on earth! Luv ya!

iPod Classic

2009-09-09T01:07:00.005+08:00

Though I was busy observing the 16th IIUM's Taekwondo Open Varsity Competition, I managed to find some time to go to Low Yatt Plaza in KL for a tech-stuffs window shopping... well, that was the plan... :)

It was around 1.30 p.m. I took off from IIUM Gombak and headed for KL... When I got there, it was no surprise to see there were so many people and I almost drowned by them especially in the second floor - where new phones and accessories are being sold.

Then, suddenly I remembered about my long-dreamed iPod... But then, as I don't really know about this thing, I just walk into the MacStudio - a Premium Reseller for Apple and talked to one of the salesperson...

Well, basically, the latest iPod Apple is releasing is the 120 GB iPod Classic. It's available in 2 colours, silver and black. A friend of mine owned a 30 GB iPod - don't know when she bought that, and I was thinking about to get the same like her as I think I don't need that 120 GB - I really don't know what else I want to put in there other than my songs and music videos collections which are around 25 GB but unfortunately it isn't available anymore...

Then the salesperson asked me if I want to check out the new 8GB iPod Touch. I was like "What is that?". Obviously I really don't know what was that... Then I decided to walk around to other iPod-selling shops when finally one Chinese guy said hi and asked if I'm looking for an iPod to buy... Wow! I bet he has sixth sense! Then I followed him into his shop where there are so many other Apple stuffs like MacBook, MacBook Air, Mac Pro and other kind of iPod like iPod Shuffle...

Then he opened one locker full with iPod Classics and iPod Touches and showed me the silver iPod... and then, Oh, my God! I fell in love with it once I touch it! Though it's a bit heavy, well of course! it's 120GB! What do you expect?

So I just pulled some cash and bring the angel straight back to IIUM Gombak after I bought a West Digital external hard disk for Dat...

When I arrived at the Sport Complex, the competition was still going on so I just sit among the audience while waiting for the last event of the programme - prize giving ceremony...

So the result is IIUM got the first place for Male category... that's it..

Around 6.30, the IIUM bus came with students that participated the MRC programme in Port Dickson so after all of us manage to gather in front of the Sport Complex, we looked back at some friends that waved at us with smiles on their faces and hopped into bus where I went to 3 seats from the back of the bus.

Tired and satisfied with what I've been through last 3 days, learning strategies when you are head-to-head with your opponents, and lots of rules and regulations, I smiled not only because I got to learn all new things, but also because now I can tick one of the thing I wanted most in my life so far...

iPod Classic... One word = Capacity!

think I'm gonna post about it later...

Can't wait for tomorrow!

Ice Cream Party!

2009-06-17T22:47:00.003+08:00

Hey people!

Since last time we didn’t manage to stay longer at the place where we had BBQ because it was damn late already to have an ice cream party, so we continue the feast at our class, AG02 right after Bahasa Melayu class today… Seems that our lecturer - Mr. Chow had a good time eating ice cream too!

Alright! Let the pics do the talking, okay!

Wan and Yaya… Guess who's hand was that? Peace, y'all!

G-Ah,Madi, Malin, and Kak Tika... G-Ah! We got plenty of chairs, okay!

This is Husna... and one of the background 'props'... Hehe

Ma and Husna! Thanx Hunney for the ‘make-over’!

Husna and Yaya! Pay back! Hehe

Me and Yaya… Feeling Great!

Ohkay… give some applause to our camera gurl…

Overall, we managed to finish one whole container of Ice cream… and steal some Tropicana flavour from the boys..

Thanx though!

So tired after a very long walk from KOS to KOM and headed back to Mahallah... So until then! Bye!

Proud To Be A...

2009-01-13T14:06:00.001+08:00

After those sleepless nights that I've through during last week, I finally decided to change my programme... So now I'm proud to be a a

BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE Undergraduate...

Wish me luck!

S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G.

2008-12-19T23:56:00.001+08:00

It was the third day at my new campus, and by 9 in the morning, my and Hazreen were already at the MPH, KOM to take our Fundamental Knowledge Test which will determine whether we are going to be in the Fardhu ‘Ain Class or the Study Circle group… The result will be announced by tomorrow morning…

Next, we took our Tilawah test at the CELPAD office, at level 4 of the building…

That’s it… that’s for today… It was only 11 a.m. … and we decided to go for an outing… There was no bus… So, we rent a car from a 4th Year Medic student, and took the road to East Coast Mall… It was my first time to take a ride with a friend… It was hard to believe at first but we manage to find the way and went back safely without being lost…

We shopped for everything we need for hostel life… each of us spent over two hundreds and lucky us that we rented a car… I really can’t imagine if we took a bus…

I bought a lot of things such as a bolster, boxes to keep my things, and some food stuffs… In case if I am craving for food in the middle of the night… Mum was mad when I told her about spending over two hundreds and warned me that Dad will only bank me in by the end of the month… Come on… I bought all necessary things… I really did… x)

As soon as we realized we were already in the twilight of the day, we rushed to the car and Hazreen drove us back to the campus… She complimented me for remembering our ways back… If it’s the way to a Mall.. of course I remember it!

After unloaded our stuffs from the car, we parked it at in front of Mahallah Maimunah and quickly climbed up to our Mahallah… I was so tired… and went up onto my bed by 9 p.m…. But I woke up in the middle of the night because I was so hungry… Then, I remembered that I haven’t eaten all day…

Ending of the Taaruf Session

2008-12-19T01:23:00.001+08:00

Woke up by 5.00 in the morning, gathered at the park in the middle of T6, and walked together with the others towards the Musolla in Mahallah Maimunah which is about 3 minutes walk from our Mahallah… after praying Subuh, we had some Tazkirah… Short, simple, but a good one…

Then, it was the morning exercise… We gathered at the hall next to the Musolla and started to dance ‘Poco - Poco’…. The instructor was kinda funny though… About 8 a.m., we had our breakfast and gone back to Mahallah and prepared ourselves for the Kuliyyah briefing and the Closing Ceremony…

About 9 in the morning, we took the shuttle bus for a ride to our Kuliyyah of Science and headed to the Main Auditorium…

The first briefing was about Bachelor in Biomedical Science. The speaker had very good English and I just love her British accent… She is the Head of Department of Biomedical Science, Sr. Nurul Wahidah Saad... She teaches Principle of Epidemiology for First Year and Biostatistics for Third Years...

Well, actually, up until yesterday, I wasn’t really sure what course that I’m going to take… even though there were several times I told my friends that I’m going to go for Biotechnology, but I was actually hadn’t made up my mind at all… I was indeed wanted to go to Biomedical as I have deep interest in forensics… After the briefing, I was almost 70% sure to go for Biomedical…

Next was the briefing for the ex-Physical Science students, which was the CTS which I don’t remember what does it stands for… I don’t mind anyway… x) All that I know that the course was all about mathematics which is an allergy for me… x)

Then, it was time for Biotechnology… The briefing was only half-interesting and I was nearly fall asleep… but then at the end of the session, I realized that the degree holders of the course will have wide job opportunities…. It’s a good thing… well… what more can I expect?

So, after all the briefings, we were required to submit a form and we need to decide which path or course we want to take… I was nervous… I hadn’t made up my mind yet… I really don’t know what to choose… I was really pushed to the corner, yet I was still struggling to decide what’s best…

But in the end… I did it…

Biotechnology…

That’s the course that I’m going to take… Then, before leaving the Hall, I took the course outlines and ready to go to the Kulliyyah of Medicine…. Unfortunately, while I was walking down the stairs, I fell off and sprained my ankle… It was a real pain… I tried to endure it… But I just can’t… The committees helped me to walk towards a car and they drove me to the clinic…

At the clinic, I was injected so I can endure the pain, but still, I can’t walk for a while… I was directed by the doctor to use the wheelchair, but I refused… I was sure that I’ll look more pathetic on that… So, I tried my best to walk even though the pain was killing me… The doctor said I need to rest and I don’t need to attend the next program but the next program was the Bai’ah Session… I don’t think I can just leave without taking the oath just like that… So, I told the committees that I want to be there; even though I can’t stand I still can sit and held my hands up while taking the oath… They agreed… They took me back to the Multi purpose Hall in Kulliyyah of Medicine, and I sat at the very back of the hall, on the sofa… I can’t feel my leg anymore and I felt very sleepy… The ceremony began, and when it came to the Bai’ah session, I gladly took it and left after that…

I went back to my room to get some sleep… GooD NigHt!

First Day at CamPus!

2008-12-16T23:58:00.003+08:00

Alright… Here I am… in Mahallah Talhah 6, Level 2, Room 9, and Compartment D… I am all alone….

I arrived at the campus around 8.30 o’clock and I saw bunch of students with their bags and stuffs together with their parents and siblings….

Abang took out all my things from the car and said “Abang rasa kereta Abang baru start bernafas balik..." What?

After done with registration, I went to my room and started to unpack things… Then, about 11 a.m., Mum wanted to leave but before that we took our lunch outside at some restaurant… Then, Mum and Bro left for Seremban…

At 12.30, all new students were required to assemble at in front of the Centre Facilities of Mahallah Talhah with the Taaruf Kit and wearing Baju Batik. Then, we walked towards the Kulliyyah of Medicine. For this Taaruf, which will going to be ended by tomorrow’s evening, all programs slots will be held in Kulliyyah of Medicine, except for our Kulliyyah Briefing, which will be held in our own Main Auditorium in Kulliyyah of Science.

It all started with Opening Speech by the Assistant Head of the Department of Student Development, and then some words by the committees, and the 5 hours briefings started after that. The briefings were about Mahallah, Finance, Health, Online stuffs, and other things…
I really can’t imagine how other people can endure all those times!!! I was so exhausted!!!
We also practiced the IIUM song - which will be sung tomorrow's evening at the Closing Ceremony in front of Deputy Dean of respective Kulliyyah in this Kuantan Campus. Then, it was time for Bai’ah (Oath) practice…

Everything’s over by 11.30 p.m. and we all headed back to our room to get some sleep before getting up by 5.00 a.m. for Subuh prayer… Alhamdullillah…

Well, I’m glad today is over…x)

Can’t wait for tomorrow!!!